I'm tired and lost into my thoughts. Home is still far away. Wait a min did i say home ? I didn't know what home is since i've been a toddler. My parents left me when i was really small.....nah not an orphanage. They sold me for some dollars to eli ,the woman who used to run the escort agency in London. I was brought up by her...and once i was of a decent age was re sold to men who could any amount to be for a few hours with me. I've been on the run since then. Travelling to various places and earning dollars for sex. Now since the past 5 years i've been in brazil.
Brazil is a lovely place. I have a good run for the day...the club and bar and overnights with work. Till one point where woman dream of their lovers as the ultimate soul mate...i keep seeing souls everyday but none of them can be mates. My body isn't mine.....everybody somebody commands a new price for it.Everyone owns it for sometime for undisputed wealth. Its purely business , there's no emotion , no love. I've fallen in love once. There was this man who used to come to the bar and look at me with respect.His name was Dan. I had met this man accidently. He had saved me from some goons on the local street. Everyday he used to come to the bar pay double the price , and look at me. The owner , Mr. Ray used to always wonder why he hadn't taken me to bed. Perhaps he was the only one who truly loved me for who i was. I was priceless for him . At the bar , even in the skimpiest clothes i felt fully covered in his presence. That's how his presence was always felt. He drew paintings of me.He used to say he has found the inner light in me. Somewhere even i had started liking him. How i wished that i left this work and went some where with him. But, unfortunately destiny had other plans.
Dan had gone to his hometown once to meet his parents to talk about me. Just a day before we had confessed our feelings to each other. I was now gonna be a free bird....who had someone to really care about. We truly loved each other. For him touching me was like heaven . For the first time in my life i had someone who wanted me and not my body. That's the feeling of sacred sex. On his way home , Dan was murdered brutally by some goons who had tried to rob him and he refused and had a brawl with them . In a moment over beating him , one of them fired. He was shot. In his last few moments he called me up and told me ":I love you " and he passed away. I was stunned . I didnt reply to that 1 sec he spoke. I just had tears in my eyes . I joined the bar again after that and even today men come, take me to bed and satisfy themselves.
I've had many clients, some of them have been good , some are scared and some just need someone to talk to. It's been 2 years since Dan's gone today...and i miss him. He exists today only in my memory. I miss him badly. As i'm writing this its 6 am ...and sunrise...!! It's a new day....time for work...and hope for good business today also. As i puff up this new cigar roll and smoke to my tempest i exhale all the air which tells me in about myself. I pull up my socks ,take my bag along wid me and head to the bar. A few glasses of wine , some make - up and some good lingerie and i'm back to work....hoping to find the inner light in me once again , which randy men smokes and marijuana and other drugs have ruined. I ask myself questions at times to where am i ? But my consience never answers them . And sometimes its the revert . My inner consience questions me and i also have no answers. These Q & A sessions go on everywhere even in the silence zone. Sometimes life becomes like that .I live aimlessly , just to meet you in heaven some day. I learn something new about myself everyday . I also learn more about each new client i get everyday and his sexual fantasies and my price.I believe in god. I go to the church everyday. I have faith. Faith does not solve things for me...but it helps me find the balance , to keep up. As in my business i have a new personality everyday , i can never be the real me...i evolve everyday .Quest is at the heart of what I do-the holy grail, and the terror that i will never find it.It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. I'm tired of pretending and being some new perons muse everynight.
It's 10 am . New client. Full day offer and enormous money. Rich men i tell you. But i'm richer as i have faith and dan wid me. Off to a crazy night with the rich fellow and hopefully he should be good at giving me temproary pleasure. Adios...!!
But still,
I want you Dan. Why does god do this to me ?
I miss you Dan.
-The elite prostitute whom you loved - Chantelle.And now i have a new name since your death in the sex pimp market - kinata. New name ,but still me and evolutionary.
I sell my self , i sell my soul , i kill my body withd drugs and cigar only to find peace. And peace is love. And my love is you Dan.You are my body , my soul , my mind and my predicament.
