Life on the other side of the lane....

I walked down the lonely street of Brazil. It's 2 am at night . My business is done for the night. I've made 5000 dollars tonight. Not a bad deal seems like ? and that too for one person. Thats the price im paid for sleeping with the effluent arab businessman i met at the bar tonight.

I'm tired and lost into my thoughts. Home is still far away. Wait a min did i say home ? I didn't know what home is since i've been a toddler. My parents left me when i was really small.....nah not an orphanage. They sold me for some dollars to eli ,the woman who used to run the escort agency in London. I was brought up by her...and once i was of a decent age was re sold to men who could any amount to be for a few hours with me. I've been on the run since then. Travelling to various places and earning dollars for sex. Now since the past 5 years i've been in brazil.

Brazil is a lovely place. I have a good run for the day...the club and bar and overnights with work. Till one point where woman dream of their lovers as the ultimate soul mate...i keep seeing souls everyday but none of them can be mates. My body isn't mine.....everybody somebody commands a new price for it.Everyone owns it for sometime for undisputed wealth. Its purely business , there's no emotion , no love. I've fallen in love once. There was this man who used to come to the bar and look at me with respect.His name was Dan. I had met this man accidently. He had saved me from some goons on the local street. Everyday he used to come to the bar pay double the price , and look at me. The owner , Mr. Ray used to always wonder why he hadn't taken me to bed. Perhaps he was the only one who truly loved me for who i was. I was priceless for him . At the bar , even in the skimpiest clothes i felt fully covered in his presence. That's how his presence was always felt. He drew paintings of me.He used to say he has found the inner light in me. Somewhere even i had started liking him. How i wished that i left this work and went some where with him. But, unfortunately destiny had other plans.

Dan had gone to his hometown once to meet his parents to talk about me. Just a day before we had confessed our feelings to each other. I was now gonna be a free bird....who had someone to really care about. We truly loved each other. For him touching me was like heaven . For the first time in my life i had someone who wanted me and not my body. That's the feeling of sacred sex. On his way home , Dan was murdered brutally by some goons who had tried to rob him and he refused and had a brawl with them . In a moment over beating him , one of them fired. He was shot. In his last few moments he called me up and told me ":I love you " and he passed away. I was stunned . I didnt reply to that 1 sec he spoke. I just had tears in my eyes . I joined the bar again after that and even today men come, take me to bed and satisfy themselves.


I've had many clients, some of them have been good , some are scared and some just need someone to talk to. It's been 2 years since Dan's gone today...and i miss him. He exists today only in my memory. I miss him badly. As i'm writing this its 6 am ...and sunrise...!! It's a new day....time for work...and hope for good business today also. As i puff up this new cigar roll and smoke to my tempest i exhale all the air which tells me in about myself. I pull up my socks ,take my bag along wid me and head to the bar. A few glasses of wine , some make - up and some good lingerie and i'm back to work....hoping to find the inner light in me once again , which randy men smokes and marijuana and other drugs have ruined. I ask myself questions at times to where am i ? But my consience never answers them . And sometimes its the revert . My inner consience questions me and i also have no answers. These Q & A sessions go on everywhere even in the silence zone. Sometimes life becomes like that .I live aimlessly , just to meet you in heaven some day. I learn something new about myself everyday . I also learn more about each new client i get everyday and his sexual fantasies and my price.I believe in god. I go to the church everyday. I have faith. Faith does not solve things for me...but it helps me find the balance , to keep up. As in my business i have a new personality everyday , i can never be the real me...i evolve everyday .Quest is at the heart of what I do-the holy grail, and the terror that i will never find it.It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. I'm tired of pretending and being some new perons muse everynight.

It's 10 am . New client. Full day offer and enormous money. Rich men i tell you. But i'm richer as i have faith and dan wid me. Off to a crazy night with the rich fellow and hopefully he should be good at giving me temproary pleasure. Adios...!!
But still,
I want you Dan. Why does god do this to me ?
I miss you Dan.
-The elite prostitute whom you loved - Chantelle.And now i have a new name since your death in the sex pimp market - kinata. New name ,but still me and evolutionary.

I sell my self , i sell my soul , i kill my body withd drugs and cigar only to find peace. And peace is love. And my love is you Dan.You are my body , my soul , my mind and my predicament.

Dream Wave

When the entire world sleeps and my body needs rest, oh lil mind do u waken..
A small buff and my charmer, oh boy can u be evil...!!
My mind is naughty, stupid and dum.....and the dreams it relms churn out all fun.
Inside a haze of pointless whims,
A path of tingling senses brims ,
Delusions of the mind, embrace
And there in the madness begins.

And now there is all silence...
I'm Lost in my world of ecastasy.
They call it rem period , but dare does my mind rest.

They say dreams never do come true..
But they are wrong, I say they do.

I chanced a glimpse , and started my journey,
A vision flamed in future stories....
Endless bundles of things welming into one another which never seem to end.

I dream of violence, I dream of hurt
I dream of children, they live in dirt
I dream of you, I dream of me
I dream of how this was never meant to be
I dream of my feelings, I dream of my thoughts
I dream of these things, I dream of them lots
I dream of my loved ones, I dream of the dead
I dream of these thoughts, exploding my head
I dream of you yelling, I dream of you crying
I dream of you hiding, I dream of you lying
I dream of you hurting, I dream of you shutting me out of your life
I dream of the of the only one I can trust, I dream of my knife.
They say dreams never do come true,
But they are wrong, I say they do.

I do belive you o dear dream , you run a chill through my heart...
You love to bombard me dont you...?
Now, as its dawn and the sun rises,
I adhere goodbye to you....only to come back to a new dream tonight.
They say dreams never do come true,
But they are wrong, I say they do.

Confession Night

Beautiful and pleasant though it be,
Attractive and interesting it ever be,
Pleasurable and admirable it is forever,
Because the maker Himself lives forever..

Oh my lord.....ur one of a kind..
My life herewith is bestowed upon you....
I vanish all thoughts of guilt , quest , emotion and lust..
And put myself as ur slave

You are my profound lover,
My giver and taker,
My thirst and crust,
Who keeps the me in the body evolutionary..
Today as i come to your door,
I ask for my identity,
I suffer from the worldliness
I suffer in silence
A loss of identity
Adience
I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you—Nobody—Too?

I've come from far o dear lord,
All along to the door of your kingdom,
Allow me in o dear lord,
I've come Lying, Thinking Last Night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong..
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

I've come from far dear lord ,
Battling all the odds, accept me
I've lost my self in the wounds of grief,
I cry in pain to ur door,
And as i breath my last today ,
I plead forgiveness to you o lord,
As i am a sinner.

I am infected and impure with sin.
When i display my righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags.
Like autumn leaves, they wither and fall, and my sins sweep us me away like the wind.

Without, our shame, within, our consciences,
Angels and grace, eternal hopes and fears.
Yet all these fences and their whole array
One cunning bosom-sin blows quite away.

Amen..!(kills her self in guilt)

Winds of desire

Gospling in my vivid thoughts with bounties of imagination and quest ,
one story winds into an other , and all i can't find is you ..!!


The quest is still remaining ,
Youre somewhere where mighty dread to sway ,
O my dear horror, are you here to fright me to death tonight ?



My fears they surrounded me all around ,
Devoured all my soul
Left me broken into pieces
Impossible to be made whole



O my dear give me peace tonight...!!
I'm living life in bits and pieces, pain and agony , wiping away those tears,
All i need tonite is a calm night to wind up this roll of tide.



I promised him ...my only saviour,
Ill die an old lady warm in my bed ,
But death awaits today no time for a dish like me...



And as i hold the dreaded weapon ,
And count to 3,
Let the bullet Peirce my heart,
It's quick and simple, sweet and tart.
Let my crimson blood run free,
Let it flow just like the sea.



And now as the time has come,
It's mid night,
All my fantasy has started to fade
And my fingers have begun to let go....



(Shoots herself in grief and depression over losing her beloved )


Death has come to me , finally , for ages uve been awaited,
And as my heart beat stops,
Goodbye cold world...
"Too late" came and passed
and, of me, nothing more
I wrote my own ending,
I shut my own door....
And all my desires hereby shun....Now only the empty wind blows.

Magnificent Obsession

You have come to me from a distant land,
Dreamer of dreams, to fill my hearts desire,
Sweet music flowing from your nimble hand
That plays within... to light my passion's fire.

Feelings that once were hidden
Are now expressed to you.
Days that once were stormy
Are now the brightest blue.

Other men said they have seen angels,
But I have seen thee
And thou art enough.

My eyes beheld a sky one night,
It seems so long ago,
A perfectly painted portrait,
Be-speckled with blue and gold.


Every time we embrace,
I go to that far away place
When we just walk hand in hand
I’m in never, never land.

As the sun sets in the West
I am overwhelmed with a burning desire
A desire locked down deep inside
One that cannot be concealed anymore

This mystic meeting gives my heart a glow
That few have seen and only you will know.

Dreams that once were longed for
Are now all coming true.
The love I once thought was gone
I have now and forever in you.

Parenting :The various aspects of kid care.

Our parents......we owe our life to them. After all theyve brought us up , they love us , they care for us. They 've seen life much more then any of us kids would have ever imagined to , which not only makes them undoubtedly wise , mature and relaxed. But arent there times when we think that there is a certain gap between your caretaker and you...? Especially when it comes to talking about taboo topics.Take the first one for example:Sex.
Ahh........the word only puts us in an akward situation with our parents/guardians . You remove this word infront of them and all u get to hear is " have u learnt about sex education in high school..? " Or to add to misery......."Do u watch porn on the pc wen were not home..........dnt lie i knw u cleared the viewing history.........., if ure ever in a relationship child , tell me....dnt get physically involved.." The list never ends . I feel sex is a highly over - rated term in our country . Its almost treated as a bad word in our country .College going students feel akward watching movies like hangover and other english or indian movies which show explict love making sex scenes. Your parents do force you to change the channel when two characters in an english serial on star world are shown smooching or having sex often.
This often creates a rift between ur kid and you. So dear parent , please have trust in ur kid, we know are limits. Stop doubting us so much....install faith in us...and we promise you ill be a benificial investement..!! Stop telling girls...dont loose ur virginity before marraige....we wont.....not coz u say so....but however modern we get...we still know very well where to draw the line. Stop asking 1000 questions once u see us talking to a guy (for girls ). We are friends with everyone but not that immature that we dnt know where to wind up.
So dear parent , just take a chill pill........and be our friend by not hyping over the word sex and related terms to love and relationships . Be a friend in disguise to us...not a hurdle to our mental development.
The other problems with new age parents is :Competition. Each one wants his or child to be on top.Yes parents , we know u want the best for us...but dont pressurise us into things. Let us go on our own pace and will...and trust us , whatever we do well be the best in it..! Dont make an issue if your child got a 75 in her boards and the neighbours child got a 95...never compare....every kid is special....every child has his or her own capabilty.Agreed , marks are a potential barrier for course and career development , but an exam is tst ur knowledge at that point of time. Marks dont always tell about your actual intelligence.Next , dont bind your dreams on ur kids shoulders , let us choose our own career path .You are most welcome to advice us, we really value it...but please dont force us....dont force ur kid into covetd careers like medical , engineering ,IIT ....give him a break...all streams are good. Theres ampl scope in all. Rather in todays era , u make scope for ur stream....if ur the best...u simply make it to the top.....!!
The next issue here is adolescence. Adolescence is a stage were we undergo moodswings....and temperal behaviours. We are basically confused.Post 14 . try to be more open with your child. Try to have more mature mother /father - child conversation. This will not only build ur childs invariable trust in you , but it will also give her the power to think and make wise decisions. Ill make ur child rational. We dont like arguing with you....we also like to listen to you....but we cant be the only ones to compromise...it has to come from both sides.....we love you parents , and we always will. We know u think that were not the same with you as we are with are friends , but its not like that. Were chilled out with are friends...and we will be with you also.....if u go a step further with us...to bridge the generation gap....all can be amicable.
So dear parent , trust us and we in return will trust you. Stop checking or cell messages to know what were upto. We will never let u down. Stop jamming ur head to crack our bb /i-phone security code. Take a chill pill elder...!! Hope to see a positive reply from u parents. We love you. We rspect you. We care for you. We always have and always will. Ur simply the best...and we can be the best understanding family too.........Were not perfect kids. and nor do we wanna be. Coz we rather fall and learn to rise in each facet of life...rather than being perfect. But we can surely be good kids.

-Dedicated to all modern age families having tiffs with their teenage kids...and so on..!!

The fall of the queen

Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Surly you do lie.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
We don’t see eye to eye.
Mirror, Mirror by the stairs,
Your image is surly haunting.
Mirror, Mirror by the stairs,
My self-esteem you’re taunting!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
I’m sick of your deceit.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
I think you’ve tried to cheat.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
I’m surely not than thin.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Is that really my own skin?
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Are you showing my inside?
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Why can’t you give me pride?
Mirror, Mirror on the wall,
Why don't you ever speak in my stride..?

Mirror, Mirror on the wall ,
I look at you with a gleam in my eyes
I ask you the truth ,
As i see my inner self....

Mirror, mirror
On the wall.
How old will I be
When I fall?

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Why do I look in you, at all,
For all I see is the same old me,
And not how I so want to be.


Mirror, mirror on the wall ,
How I hate you more and more,
I'm having to look the other way,
When my reflection's on display.
I looked at you for truth, but all you gave me was dismay.

Broken melody...

Sailing on a stormy sea,
Fighting hard against the tempest,
Waves of anger crash down on me...

The irle is killing me..
The fire is hot and fierce.
I am backed up against the wall.
All this heat is overwhelming.
"Come and love me!" I call.
The flames flick at my face,
But it misses and catches my hair.
I am then engulfed in the blaze.
No one is there to care.

I take any pain
Just to see his face
And feel his hands
Or his soft cold lips against mine.
Watching him spill my blood
Sends me into ecstasy.

A knife, a life, your puncture heart,
I try to hold back the flow of blood
As it seeps between my fingers.
But why should I feel remorse?

Why should I feel guilt or shame
When you've tormented me all these years?
I laugh a nervous cackle,
But still relief brings tears.

Love is my sin and thy dear virtue hate,
Hate of my sin, grounded on sinful loving.

As I stand before my gallows,
I feel Death descend his blackened hood,
To drain the brightness of the sun,
So appropriate to my solemn mood.
The preacher whispers prayers of comfort,
But I am not afraid to die,
The only fear I cringe from
Is meeting you on the other side.

A Moment In Time… A Remider Of Hope

I Was Walking Down The Street And i Heard An Old Man Say 'I Have Been In Love With The Same Woman For Fifty Years Now'. I Was Touched Until iHeard Him Say 'I Wish She Knew'. i was shocked...how can true love go unrecognised...? and he said.....
It is said only the brave cn love woman - but it needs more than that to withstand the pain given by woman who cheats on u. With a lump in my heart i asked the man to continue..... He was all of 15 , a pro at high school when he saw a irleana, the new girl in college.....and immidiately fell for her. Irleana, all of show and glam...had all the guys luring for her....she had a new boyfriend every week....she was like the queen of hearts. days, months and years passed by.......but irleana was still the same. One day i asked her out........she readily accepted.......i was on cloud nine....i had got the girl of my dreams....we dated foro 6 months......and then 1 day i called her up late at night.......to tell her that i was going out of town for some work . I would be back within a day or two....she was like okay , il miss you come back soon.......luv. I geared up to board my flight to chicago.....i had an importnt business meeting that day......i wound up my work early and left to surprise irleana.I was coming back home before schedule....i bought a bouqae of red roses and chocolate cake for my baby.....all ready to and take her in my arms.......i reached her place. i was just about to ring th bell......wen...i heard..."yea jamie" ....you wana stay here tonite....sure....johns outta town....so we can spend the nite together......i peeped through the window...and saw hem kissing...The roses fell from my hand.....i went home with tears....i didnt call her for a week...nor did she call me presuming i was still at work....then 1 day i confronted her...she said she was always fond of jamie and not me.i was just her puppy. Dat was the final blow. That very night i left the city....an shifted to philadelphia. Today am 65..and still a batchelor......i did have girls luring after me..but i never moved on......i always wanted irleana as my girl and my life partner..and what she did to me broke my heart.....50 years and i still love her.....she is married to jamie today.......she is also 64...she has 2 grown up children. After i left the city i didnt go back...but last week i dnt knw what made me go back to that place........and i saw her in d garden with jamie....she still looked that beautiful...even today the gushing winds blew her hair....the charisma of her eyes still mesmerises me.....even today she is so beautiful.Im glad she didnt notice me.....she seemed to be very happy......and im happy if shes happy.........but i still wish she knew...somewhere in this world there is one man...who has loved her all his life.
Today i realize that its really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go but even its more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to stay.
But i still believe in love....my friends dont understand how.....and i have no answer to that....but lets just put it this way- Some people have so much respect for their love they have none left for themselves...
There have been time when i just break down....and cry....i dont know how long i will live....especially as i have got cancer.....love kept me alive for 50 long years with her memoirs...cancer should be kind enough to let me live for a year ot two more. I went home with tears in my eyes...after that day i went to meet the old man at his place every day .....he was like and epitome of love to me.....all of 18...i was and i had so much respect for him......its been 3 years since i met him and he changed my life......at one point of time i was contemplating getting into relationship coz of what happened with him....but he just told me-
Just because the past has been painful....doesnt mean the future will be...so never let events from your past change your future...or you will be miserable ever.I am engaged today to the person i love, my boyfriend...our relationship has stood the test of time....but.....uncle has not been well....he is in pain.the doctors are clueless what to expect. Suddenly my phone rings...it the doctor...Amy. dr. norald here.....john's in a bad condition.i am at his place.....he wants to see you....please come soon.....I rushed as soon as i could.I saw john uncle lying on the bed - he was breathing with lot of difficulty....and was telling me to always keep smiling and be happy..and that he will miss me....i broke down.....i was like why are you sayingthigs like that..? youre gna b here only......he handed over a rose and a sealed envelope to me and requested me to give it irleana after he dies.....i was like i will give it if u want....but youre not dying...youre gonna live much longer.......to which he smiled........and...breathed his last......he was gone....cancer had taken him away....it wasnt kind to him.Next day after the funeral i asked every1 to leave me alone...i closed my room door and was all alone..thinking about him........i couldnt stop crying........then with a heavy heart i picked up the rose....it had lost its beauty......and then i went to open the envelope....on a small piece of paper it was written -
Dear irleana,
how are you baby? sorry for being so away from you. how are you....how are jamie and the kids....i am okay here no need to worry about me........

and only this much...i was shocked.....he had hardly written anything....then i saw another piece of paper in the envelope........and i was shocked to read what was written -
My heart cried in deep pain…In the memory of my love in vain…
She must also cry one day…
Either in storm or in rain…
And you will feel then….
What is true loves importance…
But till then, I will be no more…
To stand by your side, dear anymore…....
My time has come, and so I'm gone.
To a better place, far beyond.
I love you all as you can see.
But it's better now, because I'm free
P.S.-i still love you. hugs and kisses- john
take care baby...And always keep that smile on...
I didnt believe in love until i met uncle John. John taught me the value of love and loyality in a relationship....he matured my relationship......today 10 years have passed and hes gone....i posted the letter to irleana....but got no reply....she is still happy with jamie....i am happily married with a kid today......i have been lucky in love thanx to john's blessings.....but for the bitter part of love i have learnt one thing -
To fall in love with someone is easy
But to forget somone you love dearly with your heart and soul is impossible ..
love is sweet when it happens
But its a killer when it ends ...
When love ends it feels like joy and relief to some .
But to others its unbarable pain and suffering ..
The pain and memories never go away ..
John uncle i miss you........hope some day i meet u in heaven.......may his soul rest in peace.
Isnt it strange how one encounter with a person can change your life and perception towards things.....?

I still remember his famous words when i used to go to him for counselling when i had mood swings and was going through..... and had fights with my parents....he just used to tell me one thing-
"So drop the little razor, and pick up your life, forget all the bad things, the pain and tragedy"...

I love you john uncle. take care.
Your bundle of joy,
Amy.

love and lust

Love- this four letter word has everyone in grasps. it makes you smile, it makes you cry it turns your world upside down. the feeling of being in love is the best feeling of the world. it has taken by par millions in its vivid charm, and debecked them into the ocen and sprawls of love. love is a feeling of understanding , caring, liking, physical intimacy and everything nice. but essentialy loving someone ddoesnt mean that you just need to get that person as your beloved into your life by hook or crook. dont convert love into lust. dont ruin the nurtured feeling by becoming greedy. love means keeping the opposite person happy even if he/ se doesnt want you as his/ her beloved. get him wat he wants...sacrifice urself for them. dont try to put all your eggs in the same basket and go whirwild and commit suicide or turn to a itch to empwer. dats nnot love .dats infactutation. dedicated to all people who think they are in love..or want to be in love.
remember the 5 principles of love-sacrifice,caring,understanding,respect, honour.
also, for people in relationships,
The journey of love can be like climbing a mountain, and every woman wants to be on top. However, relationships deal with struggles that war against the love that is the center of the heart. It is important to have principles that will help you to endure and overcome those obstacles during the course of a relationship.
Every beautiful woman deserves to have someone to love her, but every good man needs love too. Many ladies wonder about the key to love. While there may not be one key to love, there are some key principles that every woman must understand to develop the love and romance within an intimate relationship.
coz it is said that- The awakening heart experiences in itself, and accordingly stimulates in others, love, harmony, and beauty.
love love love- i realize today-
"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.
Possessiveness is not love
Jealousy is not love
Lust is not love
Fear is not love
Keeping people all to yourself is not love
Expecting something from someone is not love
Real love is unconditional.love someone who loves you as you are, not someone who yu love or someone who tried to make changes in you-
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.
.....love is.....i am still all aromed by love. bi cannot see it. but i wait for it. sometimes but in fatal disappointment i however realize-
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart..to my beloved with love.